Redefining
by Kae A
Summary: Short sequel to Beautiful Mess. Kat and Patrick have to figure out what they are to each other now.
1. What I Once Was

**Redefining  
**What I Once Was

"What happens now?"

He smiles and catches me in another kiss. The sparks still trail across my back to my hips and linger there. My fingers relax and slowly drop to his belt loops. I'm left breathless again.

He tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear, "I guess we're dating…?" it is almost as though he is asking me. Double-checking that that is what I want too. I think it is. Though I never thought as myself as the dating type. Or him for that matter.

"Exclusively?" I can't believe I just asked that. _Might as well get it out the way,_ I think to myself, he does have a reputation after all.

"One step at a time." He chuckles. It's not exactly the answer I was hoping for but it was pretty much what I expected. "Pick you up tonight then around 8?"

For a moment I forget everything and am completely distracted by the prospect of a first date with him. Would it be a first date? Do we count the dance? Then it hits me. "Shit. I'm grounded." And a quick glance at my watch reminds me that I should be home, now. "I have to go. Dad could be home any moment." I don't know whether I'm meant to kiss him as I leave or not. It makes for an awkward moment as we just stare blankly at each other.

"I'll walk you to your car." Instead of just walking off and expecting me to follow he grabs my hand, holding it tightly in his. The sparks are back.

We reach my car in record time, he's practically dragging me across the beach. I fumble in my pockets for me keys, trying to spend an extra few moments with him. I can only delay it so long and soon I have to unlock my door. I turn away from him for a second and just as I'm about to open the door and climb in, he spins me round and lands another breath taking kiss on me. This is what I've been missing out on? Wasting all this time pretending not to be interested?

"See you later." He breathes in my ear as he pulls away from me. I watch him quickly climb on his bike and ride away.

*****

I managed to sneak into the house before Dad came home. I dusted my boots off in the car so there would be no trace of sand in the house. I feel guilty about sneaking out but what he doesn't know can't give him a heart attack. The evening creeps by. The events of the beach play over and over in my mind. I half think I dreamt it all.

I never hear from him again. No texts. No calls. I go to my room, set my unused cell phone beside my bed and change into my tank top and flannel pyjama pants. I don't feel tired. But I try my best to sleep. I hear the lights flick off around the house. It won't be long before I am the only one still awake. I leave myself no choice but to read for a while. Anything to keep my mind off him.

Eventually I can hear Dad gently snoring, it's a little past midnight. I give up reading. I toss and I turn in my bed. Nothing is working. I know the last thing I need is fresh air, it'll only wake me further but I need to get out of my room. Grabbing an old woollen throw off the end of my bed, I head to my window, slide it open climb ungracefully out. I land with a thud on the balcony outside.

The afternoon is still on repeat in my head.

I haven't associated myself with being someone's girlfriend or even someone's date in quite some time. It's a foreign concept to me. Not that being someone's random hook-up or one night stand is familiar territory. I certainly never thought I'd find someone in high school. My previous high school had been a cesspool of jocks and stoners. Thinking back just makes me cringe.

I wonder how he feels. I wonder what he is doing. He wanted to go out tonight. He wouldn't say we're exclusive. Maybe he found someone else, another girl to take out. Do I mind? Do I want him to want only me? Yes.

This goes against everything I thought I wanted to be in high school. The person I thought I was. School will be over soon, maybe it is time to re-evaluate what I want and who I am.

He might not even want me as his one and only girlfriend. Where does that leave us? If that's all I want but isn't what he wants, is there any point? Sure it could be fun but futureless. Oh my god I am thinking about a future with him. I'm in high school for crying out loud.

We're barely even friends. We know hardly anything about each other. What if it all goes wrong, can we be friends then? Or at very least back to whatever we were?

Am I over analysing? Do I need to a have nice neat definition of what this is right now? No. I don't. There is no point in redefining my whole existence and our relationship when we haven't even had an official first date.


	2. What I Am Now

I'd like to thank those of you have read this. I know it's taken me ages to get the concluding part up. I've suffered major writing block!  
But here it is. There will be a sequel to this. It just might take some time to get up here but please look out for it.  
Thanks again!

* * *

**Chapter Two  
**What I Am Now

After I leave her at the beach, about to get into her car and completely speechless, I ride around town for a few hours. This is one of my favourite things to do. Sure Mom worries about me speeding around but I'm always safe. It's just a perfect way to clear my head.

Mom gave up grounding me when I got the bike. Since my father's death she's accepted that I am my own person and I do what I want. I don't mean that in a bad way. Of course I value her opinion and respect her. But I've always been independent. And her and Dad weren't ones for punishment anyway. I had to 'learn from my mistakes'. Of course there's been some 'mistakes' I've chosen to learn from again and again.

Girls for example.

I'll had admit, there has been a few girls in my life. Some I'm not proud about. Some… well some I saw more than once. I don't doubt for one second that she thinks I'm the world's biggest man whore. But Miss Stratford will be proven wrong. The number of girls I've actually 'been' with will probably surprise her. I can count the girls on one hand. I'm of course well aware that there are a lot of girls who want to join that number. And I'm not being big-headed. They all make it blatantly obvious around school. But they are all without. Kat however is something different.

Once home I pull up my bike outside home and drag myself inside. I thought the ride would clear my head. The house is pitch black. Mom isn't home. I dodge the shadow draped furniture and make my way the to kitchen. The fridge is my only source of light for thirty seconds as I grab a can of cola. Mom's been home. We only had juice earlier. I plunge back to darkness before edging my way to my room. Once the door is safely shut I thrown down my bag and helmet and flick on the light.

My room looks neater than it usually does. Mom has definitely been home. Every now and again she will come in and collect anything she deems unfit to wear and returns freshly washed clothes. It's not that I don't do my share of the house, we just have differing opinions on what is acceptable attire. A pile of folded greys and blacks sit on the corner of my bed. On top of that sits a curl of leather.

One of Kat's bracelets. She must have dropped it when she came over. Thanks to my tiding skills, it's only just been found. Three weeks later. I set it on my dresser and stare at it for a moment before relaxing on to my bed.

She knows how I feel but still asked if we were exclusive. I know I have a reputation but she did she honestly think I'd date her and other girls at the same time. I've never had two girls at once. Sure there's been times when there has only been couple of days between girls. And there has been the odd occasion when it's been one date one night, a different date another. But none of those were serious. There was nothing there to make me go on another date with them. And yet all I could manage to say was "One step at a time."

I mean, seriously. That was the best I could come up with? If I wasn't interested in seeing **just **her, I would never have told her that I liked her. I know I;m not perfect boyfriend material and have little experience in being a long term boyfriend. But the idea makes a refreshing change from being the some girl's "bad boy phase". And for her I could try and adjust.

I reach for my cell phone and scroll through the numbers in search of her's. it's a little past nine at night. Definitely not too late to call her. And if she hadn't followed me out of school, we'd be on a date right now. Or would we? Would we still have ended up here? I'd like to think so. Maybe not so soon. Maybe another few months of torturing each other.

*****

At some point in my train of thoughts, I drift off to sleep. The familiar text message tone of my cell phone wakes me. I glance at the message. "_They can wait for a reply"_, I think to myself_. _It is now eleven thirty. The house is still dark and I am now wide-awake. I grab my keys from where I'd tossed them and throw on a jacket. I need fresh air.

We're both stubborn people. Neither of us really want to change who we are. I can tell it is the last thing she would want to do. But what happens when two people who don't do relationships want to be in one together? Something has to give somewhere. And I'll be damned if I know what.

My thoughts drive me around town. Before I know where I am, I pull up by the pavement and cut the engine. One lone light shines out from the side of the house I am parked in front of. A small figure is sat slumped on the balcony. I've been here before. I should have known my mind would bring me here. I walk quietly, I don't want to draw attention to myself. I pull myself up the trellis by the balcony and leap over. I land with a small thud but she doesn't move, almost like she expected me to appear tonight.

"Hey."


End file.
